


Home (is where the heart is)

by BansheeLydia



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, F/M, Happy Ending, Making Up, Pining, Stiles Stilinski Being an Idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 15:17:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5210711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BansheeLydia/pseuds/BansheeLydia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>stallison + things you said with too many miles between us.</p>
<p> “Stiles, I’ve been offered a job in England.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home (is where the heart is)

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr post: http://kirasmalydia.tumblr.com/post/133214651429/stallison-things-you-said-with-too-many-miles

“Will you move in with me?”

It felt good to finally get the words out. They’d been dating for almost ten months now and Stiles felt like it was the natural next step to take. They spent most nights with each other anyway; Allison was around the apartment more than Scott was these days.

And now Scott had moved in with Isaac and Kira, after finally going public with their relationship. 

So this felt right. Stiles loved Allison. He knew he wanted to spend his life with her. This was _it_ and he knew she felt the same, but he’d spent weeks trying to find the right way to ask her. Her toothbrush already had a permanent place in his bathroom and her clothes usually ended up in his laundry and it already felt like they lived together, settling comfortably into domestic chores without even needing to speak about it. But officially moving in was a Big Deal and Stiles wanted to ask properly. 

There was a key in his hand, adorned with a little bow, and he held it out with a bright grin. 

Except Allison didn’t take it, and she wasn’t smiling or laughing like Stiles had expected. 

Instead, she gazed at him, expression soft and kind of sad, almost guilty, and his heart dropped into his stomach.

“Too soon?” he asked, voice sketchy with nerves. “Sorry, I’ll just...” He curled his fingers around the key.

Before he could tuck it back in his pocket, Allison reached out, taking his hand. The metal teeth of the key dug into Stiles’ palm as she held his hand, brown eyes soft and pitying.

“Stiles, I’ve been offered a job in England.”

The words punched through him, left him stunned and confused. He hadn’t expected that. He’d thought she’d say no, say it was too soon, and that hurt enough. Now he kinda wished she _had_ said that.

“Oh,” the word came out gruff and Stiles chuckled nervously, rubbing at the back of his neck. “That’s – that’s cool. Wow.”

“They’ve offered me the junior editor position at a London publishing company,” she continued, voice soft. “Stiles...I said yes.”

If Stiles felt floored before, it was nothing compared to this. He felt like he’d been struck by thunder. He felt almost sick, stomach knotted tight. They sat there in silence as the minutes dragged on. Allison didn’t say anything else, just waited for him to chew over the news, and Stiles tried to speak past the lump in his throat. 

“Congratulations,” he finally managed.

“Stiles, I...I’m sorry. I got the call this morning and I was going to tell you earlier, but then you invited me to dinner and I thought it was best to wait. I didn’t realize...” She trailed off.

“That I was going to make a total idiot of myself and ask you to move in with me?” Stiles replied, managing a weak laugh. He tugged at his collar slightly, feeling hot and closed in. Humiliated. 

“You’re not an idiot.”

Stiles glanced around the restaurant, taking in the happy expressions of the other diners, then dropped his gaze to his half eaten dessert. The hit-by-a-train feeling was starting to fade, the situation sinking in, and he took a shaky breath.

“There aren’t publishing companies here?” He regretted the words as soon as he said them. He didn’t want to do that; back her into a corner and make her feel guilty. This wasn’t her fault.

Allison closed her eyes briefly, twisting her hands in her lap. “Stiles, I’m sorry.”

“No, no, don’t be. It’s...I’m happy for you. Proud.” And it was the truth; this was everything Allison wanted and somewhere, sandwiched between hurt and dread, was his joy and pride for her. “This is an amazing opportunity, Ally. Of course you should go for it. Seriously, congratulations.”

To be offered a position like that so fresh out of college was incredible, but then...Allison was amazing. Of course she’d be snapped up; she’d worked so hard for it.

Allison’s mouth tipped up into a small smile. “Thank you.”

Stiles nodded, fiddling with a napkin. He felt off foot, unsure where to go from here. He’d thought of a thousand different ways this conversation could go (one very unrealistic option being Allison throwing him onto the table to rock his world, but most of Stiles’ fantasies went that way when it came to his girlfriend), but this had definitely not occurred to him, and he didn’t know what to say, what to do.

Finally, he asked, “So, what does this mean for us? Long distance relationship?”

Her expression softened with sadness again and Stiles almost laughed, dropping his head into his hands.

“God, I’m an idiot.”

“Stiles, this job...it’s permanent. It’s a new life.” Allison said softly. “Would you ever move to London?”

Stiles opened his mouth, _yes_ ready to tumble off his tongue, but Allison’s gaze was steady on him, looking straight to the core of him as only she could do, and Stiles swallowed, because he knew that, even if his heart begged to say yes, it wouldn’t be the truth.

He thought of his life here. His job, his career. His friends. His dad, Scott, everything he had here, his responsibilities. He loved Allison, he was pretty certain he would never be able to be with anyone but her, but...he couldn’t move to England. He couldn’t just up and leave and start a new life.

Allison could see it on his face, in his eyes. She nodded once. “I want to say that it would work. And maybe it would. But whether it’d be a matter of weeks, months or years...eventually, it would stop working. Not when we’re that far apart. You deserve marriage and kids and everything you want.”

“I don’t want those things,” he replied. “Not without you.”

“But could you be with me, without being able to kiss me in the morning or hold me at night? Because I...I love you, Stiles. I love you so much and this is killing me, but we can’t spend the rest of our lives together when we’re not _together_.”

Stiles knew she was right. Maybe long distance would work for a while, but eventually it would get too difficult, not getting to be with Allison in person. Arguments and fights would happen and the break up was inevitable.

This way...at least this way they got to end the relationship amicably, stay as friends.

“Okay,” he agreed, voice quiet and raw. “Okay.”

They sat there in silence, just staring at each other, the ruins of their relationship hanging heavy between them. Finally, Allison opened her purse, placed some money on the table, and Stiles wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to pay, but his mouth felt glued shut, too many emotions choking him up at once.

She stood, slipped on her jacket. A quick brush of her lips against his cheek and a soft, “Goodbye, Stiles.”

And then she was gone.

Stiles stared at her vacant chair for a long time, feeling numb. He was only drawn back to his surroundings when applause thundered around him and he blinked, gaze snapping to two diners across the room; the man was on his knee, but as Stiles watched, he stood, slipping a ring onto his companion’s finger.

Stiles swallowed and looked down at his own hand, at the indents dug into his palm by the key’s teeth. It was funny, really. His relationship had just ended and the couple across the room were just starting their future together.

He buried his face in his hands and laughed until he cried.

*

Scott’s first words to him were, “Shit, man, I’m so sorry.” Followed by, “Wanna get super drunk?”

Stiles managed a smile, curling his toes around the edge of the couch. “Call me tomorrow and the answer might be different. Right now I just want to eat my own weight in ice cream and wallow for a bit.”

His best friend nodded, leaning over to rest his head on Stiles’ shoulder. “She does love you,” he said softly.

It was exactly what Stiles needed to hear, that reassurance that Allison loved him, and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. 

He’d paid, he’d left, and he’d gone straight home, crying into his pillow for what felt like hours before falling asleep. When he woke up, the first thing he did was call Scott, and like always, his best friend was instantly there for him. He was the only one Stiles wanted to see – the only one he could stand to see.

Later, he’d tell the others. He’d call his dad and let him know about the break up. But right now, he just wanted his best friend.

“It just...it hurts.” Stiles mumbled. It hurt more than any of his break ups before Allison. 

“She was The One,” Scott replied softly.

Stiles nodded.

“It sucks,” Scott agreed, rubbing his cheek against Stiles’ shoulder. “I can move back in.” 

Stiles swallowed, looking at Scott. The fact that, just like that, Scott was willing to move back in to be there for Stiles...Stiles’ heart ached and he just felt so overwhelmed. 

“You don’t have to do that,” he mumbled.

“What?” Scott asked innocently. “I miss the mould in the bathroom and the damp in my bedroom.”

Stiles snorted at that. “And who could blame you?” he replied dryly. He wrapped an arm around Scott’s shoulder. “Like I could ever take you away from Kira and Isaac. Don’t worry about it, dude. I’ll be okay. Time heals all wounds, right?”

Scott nodded. “Totally,” he said, “And until then, I’m gonna be here whenever you need me to kick your ass at Call of Duty.”

He snorted. "Bring it on." 

*

Time did not heal all wounds.

Stiles met with Allison just once before she left for England, to exchange boxes of belongings. It killed him to give back the stuffed bear she’d left on his bed and it killed him even more when she gave him his favorite hoodie back.

It was awkward, it sucked, but it was amicable, and he wished her luck. She left with another kiss on his cheek and that was it.

It didn’t get better. Every morning, he woke up with Allison on his mind and every night, he went to bed with an aching heart and an emptiness next to him that made him feel hollow.

He wasn’t letting himself see any of Allison’s social media. He knew better than to put himself through that torture. Still, he heard from Lydia that she was settling well in London, and he was glad for her.

The awkward thing was their friendship group. They’d all been in the same friendship group from high school; all of Stiles’ closest friends were also Allison’s. So he couldn’t really pour out his feelings to them because that would just put them in an awkward position. 

It was weird, knowing that they were talking to Allison, hearing everything about her new job and new life, but they didn’t say anything around him, which he appreciated. The only one he felt he could talk to about it was Scott and as promised, he was there whenever Stiles needed.

When he started to struggle with rent, Erica and Malia moved in, claiming the spare room, and splitting the rent, bills and food costs three ways was a lot easier. It took one weight off the load on Stiles’ shoulders.

It was months before Stiles stopped finding little things of Allison’s around the apartment; a stray sock in the dryer, or a long brunette hair on the couch. It was longer before she started to fade in other areas; before he stopped stumbling into the bathroom in the mornings half expecting Allison to be in the shower, or automatically ordering extra mushrooms when he got pizza. 

But he didn’t stop thinking about her.

It didn’t get easier. He didn’t stop hurting; the dull ache didn’t fade at all.

He still missed her, all the time.

It got to the point where even Jackson was worried about him and that’s when Stiles knew he was at a low point. The douchebag even offered to set Stiles up with one of his friends.

He declined.

Vehemently.

Later, tucked into bed with a gaping space behind him where Allison used to sleep, his phone buzzed with an email. Half asleep, he tapped it open, and swallowed when he saw the email address.

_[Allison] I miss you._

It was signed off with an automatic handle of her junior editor position and the company’s name, which meant she’d used her work email rather than her personal one.

The thought of Allison thinking of him, missing him, while at work made him ache. He hated the idea of it. She had a new life, the perfect job; she deserved to be happy, not thinking of him.

He spent a while gazing at his screen, torn between answering the email and deleting it. There were so many things he wanted to say, _I miss you_ too and _I still make pancakes every Sunday because it was your favorite_ or _I love you_ , but he couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t be that selfish. 

So he didn’t let himself answer. He couldn’t quite bring himself to delete the email; he ended up moving it to his archive mailbox. He locked his phone, put it down, and rolled onto his back, gazing at the ceiling.

He didn’t sleep.

*

Ten months after the break up, Stiles tried dating.

He let Lydia set him up with a guy called Jared. He was nice enough, but there just wasn’t any spark. He tried speed dating, which was...terrible at best, traumatizing at worst. He set up an online dating profile, but after the tenth time he had some stranger asking him to lick their asshole, he ended up deleting the profile altogether.

After another failed date, this time set up by Erica, another email from Allison arrived in his mailbox.

_[Allison] I knew it would be hard. I just didn’t realize it would hurt this much._

Stiles banged his forehead against the table. Across from him, Erica grabbed his phone, reading the text before she gave a sigh, reaching out to stroke her fingers through his hair.

“I’m sorry.”

“Will it never not suck?” he mumbled.

Erica was quiet and that was answer enough. After a few dragging minutes, she said, “How about we go out tonight? Dance, get wasted, we can find you someone for a one night stand.”

He’d only had sex once since his break up with Allison. It had been awkward, but it did what it was supposed to do: he got off, she got off, they cuddled briefly before she left. She didn’t call. He didn’t mind.

“I’m not really feeling it,” he replied honestly. “But you and Mal go out. I’m just gonna order in pizza and watch a movie or something.”

Erica looked at him, lips pursed. The sympathy in her eyes was too much and he stood, leaving the kitchen. Only when he was back in bed, blanket tugged over his head, did he glance again at the email.

This time, he caved and let himself reply.

_[Stiles] Neither did I._

*

He gave up dating.

It was pretty obvious he wasn’t ready. His friends seemed to understand, but he knew they thought he was still hopeful about Allison. He wasn’t. He wasn’t that stupid.

Stiles focused on getting through each day. He got up, he went to work, he came home, he called his dad to check in. He made dinner, he watched a movie, he went to bed. Occasionally, he let his friends drag him out, and that was fun; for a few hours, he managed to get outside of his own head and enjoy himself.

But every night, he went back home to an empty bed and an empty heart and it _sucked_. He was sick of it. He had to be annoying the fuck out of his friends because he damn well knew he was pissing himself off, but he just couldn’t bring himself to start moving on.

Another three weeks passed and Stiles got another email.

_[Allison] I still miss you every day. I knew it would hurt. I was heartbroken when we ended things. And I know I made this choice, I know it’s my fault. But it still hurts. Because I still miss you, all the time._

This was from her personal email and Stiles felt like crying. He curled up, reading it over and over again just to torture himself before he gathered himself enough to reply.

_[Stiles] You shouldn’t beat yourself up or resent yourself for taking the job. I don’t. Do you like it there?_

The reply came just ten minutes later and for the first time in months, Stiles’ heart felt alive in his chest, thundering behind his ribcage because it felt like they were actually having a conversation for the first time since she left.

_[Allison] It’s beautiful. The job is everything I always dreamed of, you know? And the city is gorgeous. I love it._

Stiles smiled, even as his heart ached in his chest. Because even though she still emailed him, even though she still missed him, things hadn’t changed. She loved London; she loved her job and her new life. They still couldn’t be together.

_[Stiles] Then you made the right choice._

*

“You need to move on.” Scott said quietly.

They were side by side on the couch. Isaac and Kira had already gone to bed, but Scott was still next to him, still playing video games. Stiles managed a headshot, then lifted his shoulder in a shrug.

“I know.” There wasn’t much conviction in his voice. He’d pretty much given all hope of moving on from Allison Argent.

Scott glanced over, biting his lip. “Lydia said...” he trailed off, expression torn.

He paused the game, turning to face his friend. “Lydia said _what_?”

“I’m sorry, buddy,” Scott said softly. “Allison’s got a boyfriend.”

And Stiles’ heart broke all over again.

“Are you okay?”

Stiles gave a bitter little laugh. “No, no, I’m really not. Why does this hurt so much, Scott?”

Scott glanced towards his bedroom door. “Because she’s your soulmate. Your _One_. I’d be the same if I lost Kira or Isaac. But...but it’ll pass, I know it will. Because you’re strong and you can move on eventually and you’ll meet someone awesome. And I’ll have to give them the shovel talk, obviously. It’s my duty as your best friend. But they’ll be perfect for you.”

Stiles smiled, even as his chest felt tight and he wanted to cry, just a little. “Maybe,” he replied. 

*

That weekend, he got fucked up.

He drank to the point of being ready to take someone home, but after being dragged onto the dancefloor by Erica, he drank until he could barely stand.

It felt good, to just drown everything with alcohol, to get so messed up he couldn’t even think properly, let alone feel anything. Everything was blank and it was good.

Between what felt like one blink and the next, he was no longer in the club and instead on his own couch. When he tried to grab his phone, an excellent idea in his mind, Erica snatched it away and sat on top of him until he agreed that calling Allison to tell her he still loved her was a _terrible, terrible Do Not Go There idea_. 

Malia got him water, Erica stayed with him, and Stiles woke up with the shittiest hangover he’d had since graduating from college.

The thing with drowning sorrows with alcohol was that it never _lasted_. Eventually, all those numbed feelings come back. Stiles still missed Allison, he still loved her, she still had a boyfriend, but now on top of all that, he felt like shit.

He spent the day in bed, face mashed into his pillow, melodramatically wishing he’d suffocate. Malia checked on him periodically, plying him water, food and Tylenol. 

By the evening, he crashed, and was dragged out of bed the next morning by Erica. He just had enough time to shower, gulp down some coffee before heading to work.

Which was why he didn’t see the email from Allison until almost thirty six hours after it was sent.

_[Allison] I still love you._

His decision was made in an instant.

*

“I’m crazy. I’m crazy, right? This is crazy.”

Scott smiled slightly. “Totally insane, dude. I can’t believe you’re doing this.”

“I can,” Lydia snorted. “ _Finally_.”

Stiles grinned at her, suitcase in one hand, one way plane ticket clasped tightly in the other. He’d already called his dad and told Erica and Malia he’d sort out the rest of his belongings later, if he didn’t come back. He’d said goodbye to everyone else.

“This will make you happy, right?” Scott asked.

Stiles took a deep breath. “I hope so. I _have_ to do it.”

“Then go for it.” Scott said seriously. “I’m proud of you. And I’m gonna be thinking of you until you call me.”

Stiles dropped his case and grabbed him in a tight hug. “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too, man. It’s not gonna be the same without you.” Scott gripped him close, sniffling slightly. “You better call and Skype and visit when you can.”

“She has to take me back first,” Stiles pointed out. “I might be back soon.”

“She will,” Lydia said.

“Good luck,” Scott murmured, finally letting go. “I love you, buddy.”

“Love you too, Scotty.”

And then they were both wishing him luck again and waving as he walked away, heart pounding and ticket in hand, ready to board a plane to London.

To hopefully win back the love of his life.

*

Lydia had – after almost half an hour of pestering – given Stiles Allison’s new address.

The apartment building looked new and kind of posh. He found the buzzer for the right apartment and pressed it, heart in his throat. 

Except the voice that answered was definitely not Allison. “ _Hello_?”

_Oh, shit_. Stiles hadn’t considered that Allison’s boyfriend would be there. He briefly thought about running away, but he’d already come this far. He wasn’t about to give up now.

“Hi, um. I’m here to see Allison?”

“ _Come on up_.”

The door was released and Stiles headed inside. There was an elevator, but he took the time walking up to the fourth floor to gather his thoughts and everything he wanted to say before he faced Allison for the first time in almost a year and a half.

He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. It swung open and a tall, tan male clad in only a towel around his hips leaned against the doorjamb. He slowly took Stiles in from head to foot before smiling.

“Well, _hello_ there.”

Stiles couldn’t help but grin slightly, relieved. “Believe me,” he said, “I would totally be interested if I wasn’t here to profess my love to someone else.”

The guy’s expression changed, his smile softer. “You must be Stiles. Come on in.”

Stiles followed him inside. The apartment was nice; pretty plain, but with little touches of _Allison_ that made Stiles feel right for the first time in months, like he could breathe properly. 

“Allison,” the guy called, then offered Stiles a wink. “I’ll leave you to it.” 

He disappeared into a bedroom and Stiles started to sit down on the couch, but then another door opened and he jolted to his feet, nerves fluttering through him. Allison stopped short, eyes widening, and _oh god_ , she was so beautiful and _here_ and Stiles’ heart felt like it was going to explode.

“Stiles,” she breathed. “What are you doing here?”

And everything he’d planned to say flew from his mind. Instead, the words that tumbled from his mouth were, “Ask me to move in with you.”

A confused smile lit up her face. “What?”

“Ask me,” he insisted.

“Okay...” Allison drew nearer until there was just a small space between them. “Stiles, will you move in with me?”

“ _Yes_.”

And then they were kissing, Allison’s hands in his hair, his hands at her waist, and Stiles finally felt happy and whole. _This_ was right, kissing Allison like she was his whole world, because she was. 

She pulled back, breathless and laughing. “Stiles, this is...”

“Insane?”

“Yes!” She laughed, kissed him again, but pulled back just a second later. “Are you sure?”

“I got a one way flight here. I really hope you want me to stay because I don’t want to go back. I’m sure, Allison. I was stupid before, I should have moved with you. I belong with you, Allison; you’re my home. I haven’t felt right since we broke up. I just...nothing felt right anymore.”

Tears filled her eyes. “I know what you mean.”

“Lydia...Lydia said you have a boyfriend.”

Allison tilted her head slightly. “Yeah, for, like, two weeks. But my heart wasn’t in it and he knew it, so we ended things. I never stopped loving you, Stiles. Not for a single second.”

He kissed her again, slow and soft, cupping her jaw as he closed his eyes and he felt her smile against his lips.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” she said softly.

He leaned his forehead against hers. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

And finally, he was home.

**Author's Note:**

> kirasmalydia.tumblr.com - come say hi? :)


End file.
